It was the worst day of my young working life. Over 100 eyeballs were watching my every move as I stumbled and fumbled through a presentation outlining the organisation’s new Performance Management system.
What happened next will stay with me forever. A senior leader from the consultancy where I worked witnessed the whole thing. In the taxi back to the office I was certain I’d be hung, drawn and quartered. After all, this was our biggest client and the culmination of many long hours.
Instead he asked me two questions: “How do you think that went?” I answered without shedding a welled up tear a long list of all the things I could have done a million times better. The second question had me pledging my loyalty for life: “How can I support you to do better next time?”
What was your reaction last time someone on your team made a big mistake? Chances are you felt frustrated, disappointed and embarrassed. That’s completely normal.
Traditionally, it was expected that a leader would make an example of the team member by expressing anger to let both the mistake-maker (and everyone around them) know that getting something wrong is not ok.
A new approach, once the initial flood of exasperation has dissipated, is to respond with compassion and curiosity.
HBR’s must read article Why Compassion is a Better Managerial Tactic than Toughness outlines three things you can do to respond with compassion:
- Take a Moment – Step back, reflect then proceed
- Put Yourself in Your Employees’ Shoes – Think back to a time when you messed up big time. Perspective-taking builds empathy.
- Forgive – Carrying a grudge is bad for your heart whereas forgiving the other person lowers your blood pressure and theirs!
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash